I Swear, This Time, I Mean It.

Well it’s 2011 now and I never kept last year’s promise to start writing again… so I want to give it my best attempt this time around. After spending an afternoon deleting the younger version of myself (reflected in precisely 3 Myspace pages, 1 Faceparty, 3 Livejournals and 1 Blogspot) something stopped me from deleting this, my last possible outlet for my emotions, too.

So it can stay, for now, because sometimes in life we all need a place to vent. I have however changed my picture, information and any previous posts that may have given away my identity, in order to remain anonymous… it’s best this way, I’m more free to say how I really feel. Plus, some days I feel very Carrie Bradshaw when I’m writing so I thought that making her my avatar was only fitting!

You might be wondering what I’ve been doing with my life since I haven’t been posting here or making much use of the internet at all recently… this would be a shock to those who used to know me because back in the day I was something of an internet junkie! Either way if you were to ask me what I’d been up to, this is what I would tell you:-

First off, I’m in love. Not just a little bit, not just ‘puppy love’, no this is the real thing. We’ve talked of marriage, children and the stereotypical white picket fence. All the things I had previously never allowed myself to want because having them meant becoming too involved, a notoriously bad word for as long as I can remember. Once you’ve let yourself become too involved with someone who actually matters you’ve given them the ammunition they need to break your heart, which is why for a long time I might’ve kissed but I always refused to give my heart away.

The ironic thing is that the man I’m so in love with is also the very same boy who first broke my heart three years ago… it’s funny how life always has a way of surprising you I guess. But alas, things are never quite as perfect as they seem and whilst we’re blissfully happy together for now, my man dreams of joining the intelligence section of the army. Whilst I never approved of this before - due to my belief that so many of the soldiers who join the army end up as nothing more than cannon fodder whilst we fight for something no one is entirely sure of - all I know is that I want to be with him more than anything. So his dream is my dream and if it’s what he wants I’ll do everything in my power to help him achieve it.

We have other bumps in the road that will need smoothing out at some point, but so does everyone! Truth be told, he’s my whole life and if for some reason we don’t go ahead with our plans to settle down and start a family? Then it’s safe to say that I never will, because he’s the only one for me. That might sound awfae melodramatic I know, but it’s true and I’ve known so since I was 17.

Other than being madly in love I’ve been working two jobs for the last 8 months, something I’ve only just cut down on within the last week or so. Yup - I am now down to just one job again! The money’s excellent, it’s experience within my chosen field of study and, hopefully, it’s also a first step on the way to my career as a ‘Powersuit Woman’!

I’ve just finished up with my exams for the semester as well, meaning that this week I’m off uni as well as only having one job. That can really only mean one thing…. telly in bed week ;D

My gran’s also not keeping too great, something which is upsetting for us all. Although at 91 years old that’s got to be expected! Still it was hard seeing my dad, as much as I may dislike him, so upset over her mental condition.

So there. I’ve summarised life and the changes that I’ve gone through within the last few months; I’ve set the scene for a number of discussion points that’ll undoubtedly come up in entries in the future and, most importantly, I’ve started writing again.

xXx